WHAT YOUR MIDDLE SCHOOLER WANTS YOU TO KNOW

The tween and teen years are hard. Even at forty years old, I can recall the continual self-doubt, the mirror peeking, the obsession over performance, and the conflicting emotions of those transitional years.  It’s hard all over again as the parent of a tween to see my daughter struggle through this stage.

Every child is different, but most middle schoolers would like to say these things to their parents.  Listen to what they have to say to you, mom and dad.

1.  Don’t expect too much of me.I know I look grown up, and sometimes I even act grown up. But I’m really still a kid.

2.  Spend time with me.Homeschool doesn’t count. I want time with you just talking, especially with you just listening. There is a lot I want to say to you and ask you, but sometimes you are so busy. I think you don’t have time for me.

3.  Give me ways to remember.I know I say, “I forgot” a lot. I’m sorry. I really try to do what you say, but I honestly forget. My mind moves from thing to thing so quickly. Help me to remember by using lists or other reminders.

4.  Don’t talk about my flaws to others.
This humiliates me and makes me not want to open up to you.

5.  I love to play.
Give me time to hang out in my room, doing what I consider fun even if it seems juvenile or a waste of time to you. Growing up scares me. Will I not have any more time to play? Will I stop wanting to play? For now I still love play.

6.  Tell me the hard stuff about God.
I am questioning my faith. I need to know God is real – real for me and not just for you. Tell me how we know that Jesus is real.

7.  Let me explore my passions.
I know that my passions change from month to month. I really am passionate about them at the time. But I’m trying things out, and I need to test out my interests to see which ones really fit me.

Did you hear your child’s voice in any of those?  Do his behaviors say these things even though he may not vocalize them?

These are pivotal years, not just in our children’s development, but also in our relationship with them. Be proactive to keep the relationship strong. Listen to their hearts.

Jimmie is a former public school teacher turned homeschooling stay-at-home-mom. A sense of humor, faith, and creativity keep her “pressing on” in her unique situation — living and traveling abroad with an only child in a bilingual environment. Visit her blog at Jimmie’s Collage.